Death By the Novel

It doesn’t take a whiz to take a guess at how deadly the spine of a novel could be. What takes a whiz, though, is to be dead-on about how deadly an e-novel equally could be. I a no-whiz didn’t know it until I got a call from my friend a whiz asking if I knew whether or not the extended warranty covered a display-shattered, blood-spattered two-year-old Kindle. It transpired he was reading Fight Club as he clubbed with it a mischievous mouse. Holy moly, man! I didn’t know you could do that. I’ve had my share of kills – lizards crushed with Snow Crash, beetles smashed with Metamorphosis, ants pulped with Battle Royale, but to kill with an e-novel, that’s unheard of.

While that’s impressive I’d contend there are things an e-novel couldn’t do that only a novel could. Mosquitoes could be squeezed between the pages while you’re at the middle of a novel. That act of killing couldn’t yet be performed with the e-novel but the days of foldable e-reader isn’t far off. Now shooing off mosquitoes by flipping the pages of Don Quixote, that could never be performed, not even with a foldable e-novel. This therefore makes the novel more deadly! Whiz goes, Oh!

I’ve almost always failed at my felling of Hymenoptera with a He-Man. That and dropping an Absolute Sandman onto a tile to find the cockroaches sandwiched between the split tile and sand would prove graphic novels could be deadly too. No! Now perhaps if you’re reading on your desktop ,or laptop, you could split the tile and squash the cockroaches with them motherboards and that would mean the e-novel could be as deadly too but the chance of Hymenoptera being fell by either is rather slim while you could almost certainly fell them with either the front or backside of the trade paperback.

On the other hand, with Cat’s Cradle the novel you could barely shoo off a cat but with the e-novel if it be a laptop you could do serious damage to the cat’s mobility and with the desktop you could send the cat straight to its grave. I mean you could cause so much death even with a mini classic if it were an e-novel. This therefore makes the e-novel deadlier! Yes, so, what are we up to here – the novel is deadly, the graphic novel is deadly too and the e-novel is deadlier? Well, but!

Perhaps the novel and the graphic novel are quite flexible and handy you could make paper fans and paper planes out of them. You could smell the pulp or paint too if you wanted to. The bottom-line being the novel is handy. Oh! The e-novel on the other hand is not so flexible yet is more or less solid and trendy. It’s so solid you could make it do things a novel couldn’t and so trendy you could find your way home with it in times of blackouts. Definitely so the e-novel is trendy. Yes! Now, we couldn’t possibly be wishing the novel were trendier and the e-novel handier or, for that matter, deadlier.

 

‘The Novel, I suspect, might prove to be deadlier than the Author.’ – Attributed, this time, to Boland Arthelmed